What's Your Diagnosis?
by alooriana
Summary: [unohana x ukitake] [post soul society arc] After the ryoka have left and the shinigami tended to, Unohana finds herself bored and with nothing to do. What would be more perfect than developing a cure for an otherwise sickly captain?


**What's Your Diagnosis?**

The time had finally come for Unohana. The decision had been made. With all the free time on her hands now that those noisy ryoka had left Seireitei and all the remaining shinigami casualties had been treated, she needed a new project- and one was at hand.

Ukitake Jyuushirou was the perfect target. Too perfect.

Not too hard to coax into trying medicines due to his (mostly) gentle nature- and easy to convince into treatment because of his persistent illness, still incurable after all these years.

The 4th Division captain smiled quietly to herself and rubbed her hands together in a slightly 'evil genius' fashion, ideas already churning and forming inside her head.

Once she got started on a project- she wouldn't stop until she found the answer. Though, whether this was good news for Ukitake-taichou was a different matter altogether.

Too bad he was going to have no choice; this was just the way things got done.

Getting up from her chair, Unohana carefully shrugged on her giant white haori and exited her office with a complacent grin on her face.

Time to find a certain white haired captain.

(x)(X)(x)

Jyuushirou had been enjoying a quiet afternoon in his office, looking over paperwork and avoiding his two loud 3rd seated officers the best he could. Paperwork seemed to be the only thing he did these days, but he couldn't deny that sitting down at his giant desk with a hot cup of tea wasn't relaxing.

He was about to pick up the next sheaf of papers to be looked at when a quiet knock sounded from his door. Half dreading replying, he rested his hand back down and sighed. So much for peace.

"Yes?" He called out, leaning back in his chair. Though, much to his staggering surprise, the door opened slightly to reveal Unohana-taichou's smiling face instead of the two yelling monsters he had been waiting for.

"Sorry to disturb you, Ukitake-taichou," She started, closing the door and then walking over to Jyuushirou's desk in small lady-like steps. "But may I have a chat?"

"An unexpected pleasure! By all means." He replied with a grin, indicating to a chair situated in front of him and idly wondering what the 4th Division captain wanted. She was rarely seen outside of her own division due to her business, and her visits to Ukitake's office were even rarer.

Unohana nodded and sat down, folding her hands neatly in her lap and meeting Jyuushirou's eyes levelly.

"Actually, I came here with an offer." She said precisely, aiming to play her cards right. Jyuushirou merely raised an eyebrow, the surprise apparent on his face.

"Oh? What kind of 'offer'?"

The black-haired woman shifted slightly and gave him a serious, down-to-business look.

"I'd like to try a new regime of treatments for your illness, now that I have spare time after dealing with the aftermath of that mess just before. However..." Pausing for a moment, she looked past Ukitake and straight out the window next to him. "However, it will require a little more... participation on your part."

Jyuushirou leaned back in his chair and considered the lady in front of him, absently brushing a strand of his white hair, a blatant symptom of his sickness, out of his vision whilst pondering.

"Which will be?" Thinking slowly, he wondered about the situation. Of course he'd jump at a chance to get rid of the disease that had been following him around like a kicked puppy for god knows how long; but he still had his duties as a division captain and a senior of the Gotei Thirteen, which came first and foremost, to attend to.

"Checkups, taking various medicines, coming to my division on a regular basis... nothing taxing."

Ukitake nodded and clasped his hands together, giving her a small smile at her ability to make such a long list sound like 'nothing taxing'. However, it sounded reasonable enough. He had been poked and prodded enough in his time to learn to stand it, and anyway; with Unohana, how could there be a catch?

Oh, how little he knew.

"Okay, I'm game. When do we start?"

The 4th Division taichou smiled once more, inwardly. Success.

"Tomorrow. 9'o'clock, my division."

The sickly captain in question nodded in agreement, regarding the woman in front of him who was now getting ready to get up.

"Well," He said cheerfully, flashing her another of his trademark grins. "I'll see you then."

Unohana merely laughed delicately at this as she straightened out her haori, and then her uniform. It was a sort of habit that one picked up from being in the medical field, and she still had no idea why.

"It's a date." She said softly, before turning and exiting the room, the slightly evil gleam in her blue eyes obviously going unnoticed by the oblivious Jyuushirou.

He coughed to himself and looked back down at the sheaf of papers he had been about to sort through.

"... a date?"

Interesting analogy for a check-up, Unohana-taichou.

(x)(X)(x)

The next morning, Ukitake hadn't overslept for once, and was slipping his black yukata lethargically when Kiyone burst into his room, being explosively loud as per usual.

One thing about Kiyone was that she lived her life in utter oblivion. Though smart when serious, if she was in anything other than a life-threatening situation, things just went through one ear and straight out the other. And, of course, she had no way to manage her impulsive actions.

Therefore, it wasn't surprising that when she saw her taichou was only half-dressed and giving her a slightly surprised look, she went a brilliant red and exited even speedier than she had entered, defying several laws of physics and stumbling over herself on the way.

Shaking his head at her folly after his brain had registered what had just happened in those split seconds, Ukitake finished typing up his yukata, unfazed.

After living as long as he did, being immodest wasn't an issue.

Well, not that he made a habit of doing it.

Looking absently out the window in his room onto the lake that had surrounded his small living quarters, he breathed a small sigh of appreciation for being able to catch the morning sun for the first time in what seemed like forever.

Actually, this had been an idea from Unohana-taichou herself- she argued that the peaceful serenity of the lake would help him 'heal'.

She obviously didn't account for the fact that his two lieutenants were quite possibly the loudest and most obnoxious people in all of Seireitei.

Except perhaps parts of the 11th Division.

And simply put, when they were around, the word 'serenity' did not exist.

With an expectant sigh, he picked up his white haori and tugged it on, only running a hand quickly through his hair and foregoing brushing it in the best interests of haste. His door made a slight _thunk_ as he opened it, still open a crack from Kiyone's prior riot. Exiting the room perched precariously on the 'serenity-filled' waters, he looked around bemusedly.

"Ahem." Ukitake cleared his throat loudly, looking at a still red faced Kiyone balancing on the bridge leading away from his quarters and looking rather shell shocked. "Everything okay in there?" Tapping her head in a joking way, he smiled.

Maybe some permanent damage had been done.

"Y-yes, taichou!" She replied mechanically, managed to make eye contact and give him a little salute at the same time.

Oh, so she was alright after all. It's a relief not to start the day with minor brain damage.

"And what exactly required running into my quarters and waking the dead?"

_Or almost dead. Ha._ Ukitake laughed inwardly at his own cynical humor as he interrogated his lieutenant, having a thoroughly... weird morning.

"Uh... Unohana-taichou requests your presence in her office in the 4th Division as soon as you can make it..." The blonde continued, going redder after Ukitake's statement. Now her feelings were not so much due to the embarrassment of walking in on her captain half-naked, but more of the regret that she hadn't actually brought a camera with her.

She'd be made an honourary hero at the Shinigami Women's Council if she had managed to sneak a few Polaroid snapshots out with her.

Ukitake, however, raised a hand to his forehead and sighed.

"What time is it right now?"

Looking thoughtful, Kiyone opened her mouth and was about to answer but was cut off abruptly by another loud and exceedingly brash voice.

"10 IN THE MORNING, TAIIICHOUUU!"

Jyuushirou winced as Sentarou made an entrance that made his eardrums scream, still not used to the man's volume after all these years. He _had_ been wondering where he had been, though; it was unusual to see just one of his lieutenants and not the other.

"You idiot!" Kiyone shouted, raising an arm threateningly and bashing him soundly on the head. "I was about to tell him!"

In an action that was probably more a learned reflex than a planned move, Sentarou grabbed her yukata and growled like a bear.

"Too bad, little girl. You're just too slow these days."

"Hey!! I-"

"Enough." Ukitake commanded, and subsequently the only sound that could be heard after that was the lapping of the serenity-tinged waters quietly against the grassy shore. "Late already?"

Waving a hand dismissively, he started towards the 4th Division, wondering what excuse for being tardy he could engineer in approximately 10 minutes, leaving behind his two 3rd seated lieutenants standing immobile behind him.

Time for some new and interesting tortures.


End file.
